9 Common Problems Regarding In-Laws and Tips for Dealing with Them

Not a few people think that marrying someone means marrying their family too. So, entering the first years of marriage you not only have to adapt to a new life with your partner, but also adjust and build good relationships with other family members, especially their parents who are now your in-laws. But what if you experience problems in establishing closeness with one or both of your in-laws? Don't give up just yet, because today we're going to help you identify the types of issues with your in-laws that you might be facing and share tips on dealing with them healthily and positively. We hope that you will soon find a solution to deal with a problematic relationship with your in-laws.

Problem #1: My in-laws are too controlling

Is it precisely your mother-in-law who is in control of your household and your husband's? Does he often order you to do or not do something, determine where you have to live and arrange how to care for children so that he often gets angry if his instructions are not followed? If so, then you are facing a classic case of overly controlling in-laws. It will be easier if you and your partner have the same views on how to deal with an authoritarian mother-in-law, but if she acts like an obedient child and feels guilty if she doesn't follow her mother's orders then as a wife you must immediately find a way out before this problem gets worse. introduce stress and pressure into your marriage relationship.

To get around a power struggle like in this case, try to dig deeper into the root cause. Is your mother-in-law acting controlling for fear of losing her dominance over her now-married child? Also, find out why your husband looks so helpless in front of his parents. Is this a habit from his childhood? When you have found the reason behind this behavior, discuss it with your husband and help him understand that it is the two of you who should be in control of this household item together. Be unified with your partner in the presence of your in-laws, and you don't need to always ask for their approval in making every decision, so it is hoped that your in-laws will understand who is in control in this marriage.

Problem #2: My in-laws are bitchy and unfriendly

Of course, you want to think of your father and mother-in-law as second parents in your life, but this will be difficult to achieve if they are not friendly and open when they welcome you into their family. They might give you a cold, indifferent, even bitchy impression. Not infrequently some parents-in-law do not hesitate to show their dislike for their son-in-law by saying hurtful sentences, for example comparing him to his son's former lover or badmouthing his son-in-law in front of other family members. So, what to do if you experience this?

First of all, tell your husband that the actions or words of his parents often hurt his feelings and make you uncomfortable. Ask him to be more involved in asking his parents to be kinder or defend you. There's nothing wrong if you want to defend yourself and ask directly about the reasons behind this unpleasant treatment. But remember to control your anger and your words, lest you lose control and make remarks that you will regret. Simply convey that you are opposed to their negative attitude and ask them to respect your new status as their child's life partner (remember to be firm, but polite!). Also try to find similarities in him so that you and your in-laws can get to know each other's personalities more closely, don't know then don't love, right? If the same problem keeps coming up even though you've tried to solve it, you should have a personal area so you don't have to interact with your in-laws every day. You still have to respect them as parents, but you don't need to force yourself to get along with your in-laws if, in reality, you have difficulty establishing good relations with them.

Problem #3: My in-laws (still do!) treat my husband like a child

For most parents, their baby will always be their favorite baby even though they have grown up. It's sweet to see how your mother-in-law is so passionate about cooking her husband's favorite food when the two of you are visiting or your father-in-law still regularly invites his son to go fishing or camping according to the tradition since he was little. However, if their treatment is too excessive, it will certainly become a source of problems that cannot be taken lightly. For example, your in-laws may worry too much when your husband has the flu, send too much food home, or don't trust you and your husband to make big decisions.

As long as what your in-laws do is within reasonable limits and doesn't affect your marriage relationship, just understand that every parent has their way, which may also look unique, to show love for their children. But if that expression of love turns into something that annoys you, immediately set boundaries. It may sound cruel, but it is very important for the harmony of your household. Express gratitude for all the help and advice they provide, then give them an understanding that you and your husband are old enough and are looking for ways to grow into a married couple who are independent and don't bother the people around you.

Problem #4: My in-laws interfere too much in my household

Your in-laws fall into the category of in-laws who are overly meddlesome in domestic affairs if they always want to know what you and your husband are fighting about, or if they always expect you and your husband to consult with them before making decisions about careers, children, or whereabouts. stay. Having a solid support system is indeed a positive thing, but it's another matter if it tends to lead to obstruction, interference, and upsetting personal issues that are no one's business apart from you and your husband.

Then you think, what should you do? Our advice is that you and your husband should always keep personal issues and household secrets from being known by other people, including your parents if you don't want their interference. Don't fight or expose your marriage problems in front of them. Don't complain to your parents about your partner's bad traits or habits. Save it and try to solve the problems yourself. If your in-laws also often shower you with suggestions and advice (that you didn't ask for or already know), then say yes and say thank you, because denying it won't make things better. In the end all the big decisions you have to make together with your partner.

Problem #5: My in-laws always criticize everything I do

All parents certainly expect the best for their children, including in matters of finding a life partner. But there is no perfect daughter-in-law or mother-in-law and, maki, ng m mistakes amistmistakes thingy in thethingsadaptation period when you are just entering the marriage stage. Imagine how stressed we would be if someone was watching our every step, to be judged and criticized, especially because he felt we did not live up to his expectations. This is also one of the creepy in-law traits, where you feel like you're always wrong in her eyes. If you are pursuing a career, he will assume you are not putting your family first. But when you decide to stay at home, he labels you lazy. Some demand that you have children immediately and criticize your and your husband's decision to postpone pregnancy. It doesn't stop there, when you finally have children, this type of mother-in-law will always criticize your parenting style that doesn't match her thoughts.

Even if you are dying to express your annoyance or anger, it's better to deal with it diplomatically. Don't take all the criticism and words to heart and make your partner your ally. That way, he can help you build credibility with your in-laws by telling them that all decisions made in this marriage were discussed together, so it would be unfair if your in-laws only blamed you. Try saying, "Thanks for the input, but I think this method works better for me," or "I value your opinion, but I would prefer to do it this way." As with our advice on similar issues above, you shouldn't worry too much about what other people say or expect other people's approval of the things you do.

Problem #6: In-laws are too dependent on my partner

It's different from problem #3 where in-laws often treat spouses like children, in this case, they are the ones who act like children. They seem to be afraid of losing the attention of the child who now has a new partner, so they become spoiled, demanding, or dependent on him, even to the point where they compete for attention with their son-in-law. Just pay attention, if they often call your partner many times a day, ask for help with trivial matters, ask to go wherever you two go even when you want to go on a romantic vacation, or say that since getting married their child doesn't love you anymore on him, then it means you are experiencing this one in-law problem.

Deal with this problem carefully and empathetically, because as a parent, your in-laws still need to be given attention and love. If they seem afraid of being left alone by their independent children or just lonely at home, make sure they know that you and your partner will always be there for them. Don't hate them for this. For that, you should always be open and involve them in family activities, such as birthdays or holidays. Thus, they will feel calm and no longer afraid of losing their child and will feel happy because they have another child they can love.

Problem #7: My in-laws don't respect my privacy

Are you having trouble with your in-laws who like to come to your house unannounced, eavesdrop on your conversations, or even casually peek at the contents of letters or messages that are personal and confidential? Even if you live under the same roof with your in-laws, that doesn't mean they can go in and out of your territory without thinking about your privacy. It's ideal to be family-friendly and transparent, but it's only natural that you don't want to share all the personal and intimate details of your home life with your in-laws, or anyone else who makes you uncomfortable.

Once you realize that your in-laws are not sensitive to your need for privacy, you and your partner should immediately work together to set boundaries and strategies to break this bad habit. First, remember not to exaggerate your problems and affairs with your in-laws. They don't need to know that you and your husband often fight over small things, like any married couple in general. Second, create a safe area for you and your husband, where you can do things without having to be afraid of being disturbed by outsiders. You can also ask your in-laws to call you before visiting your home or simply lock the door or drawer to keep your personal belongings out of their reach. Lastly, don't forget to respect the privacy of your in-laws.

Problem #8: My in-laws are overly dramatic and sensitive

Of course, we've seen the in-laws who always dramatize situations on television soap operas, but who would have thought that characters like this also exist in the real world? Prepare mentally if you find that your in-laws tend to be melodramatic, make up too many stories, or get too easily offended by every word you say.

When faced with a problematic situation, namely having in-laws who like to act emotionally and always try to make you an antagonist, you have to be picky in determining how to handle it. If you respond with the same hysterical screams as they do, you may continue to deal with this problem throughout your marriage, because they feel like they're getting the reaction they expected. It's best to just ignore or give an honest response when your in-laws start a drama that is made up or irrelevant. No need to be harsh but convey your feelings clearly and neutrally. It's also no use trying to convince others that the fault is clearly on the in-laws' part because sometimes the most important thing is to be happy, not to be always right. So,

Problem #9: The in-laws are trying to set me and my husband against each other

This is the worst type of in-laws because instead of being supportive of their child's marriage, they instead try to pit their son and daughter-in-law against each other so that they fight and even separate. We hope that none of you are facing this problem, but in reality, some in-laws are busy making plans and manipulating the people around them to interfere with their child's marriage relationship. Some often ask the child to choose between him or his son-in-law, which of course is very unfair. Some like to badmouth their daughter-in-law in front of people but are always sweet in front of their children.

Our one piece of advice for couples going through this is: Don't fall for it. We hope that you and your partner know each other well so that you don't fall into this domestic trap easily. See patterns, listen to your heart, and don't immediately believe what your parents-in-law say, for example, if he tries to irritate you by bringing up your partner's old relationship with a former lover. Remain neutral and don't get angry right away. Tell your partner about the bad behavior of their parents but be careful. Maybe he doesn't always want to hear and believe that his parents have the heart to do that, so it's better if you also have other trusted people who can be confided in. For example, a friend, relative, or marriage counselor. 

In essence, just as you accept your husband as he is, you must also accept your in-laws. Their personalities and traits may also be difficult to change. Most importantly, you have tried your best to improve the situation, find solutions, establish good relationships, and become an even better person. If all attempts fail, accept this situation and keep moving forward.